Monthly Archives: May 2014

So, I Guess I’m Online Dating Again

Well, I’ve done it. I’ve gone and reactivated my OKCupid profile. I had planned to just make a new one (actually, I thought I had deleted the entire account), but I was able to retrieve and update my old profile.

Hello, three-year-old photos!

Goodbye, three-year-old photos!

Hello, current photos!

Wait a second. Where are the good, current photos of me? You mean I don’t have a full-length picture of myself that was taken in the past six months? The most recent one I could find is from last June?

Huh.

I don’t know how this is going to go. I’ve already gotten several messages and I already don’t know how I feel about most of the people checking out my profile and sending me the “hey, ur beautiful” messages. Can’t you give me more than that?

I would hope so.

Anyway, it looks like I’m online dating again, so get stoked to hear how that’s going to go.

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“Ratchet” and Other Things I Learned Today

1. What it means to be “Ratchet.”

As I’ve mentioned before, I really do love trashy television. Sometimes, though, I take it too far and watch the really bad stuff, like Jerry Springer.

I have to preface this by saying that I’ve been watching Jerry for a long time. I can remember staying over with my grandma when I was little, sleeping in her room and watching Jerry with her late at night. So my love of Jerry Springer goes waaaaay back. It’s in my blood.

I go through Jerry-watching phases, and the past couple of days I’ve been sending down during the lunch hour(s) and knitting while watching Maury and Jerry Springer.

Oh boy.

Today, one of the guests referred to another woman as “ratchet.” This is not the first time I’d heard the word, but I’ve never quite understood it.

At first, I thought she said “wretched,” but she was very clearly saying “ratchet.” I was just about to whip out my phone to look it up on Urban Dictionary (because after hearing it a hundred times, I’ll finally look it up. If it’s in Jerry, it’s clearly not going anywhere) when the speaker explained what it meant: a trashy woman (person?) who is into drugs/alcohol/partying/sex. I’ve never heard this word used re: a man, but I guess it’s not unheard of.

A man can be ratchet, too, right?

2. Prescriptivists are taking over Urban Dictionary.

Of course, I did still look ratchet up on Urban Dictionary, only to find this as the second most popular definition:

It’s a fucking socket wrench.

The correct way to use the word “ratchet” would be, “Wow, this ratchet is so useful.”

“Damn, she so ratchet–“

“Shut the fuck up, it’s a socket wrench.”

At first, I was like “I’m so glad I’m not the only one!” because that’s definitely the first then I think of when I hear the word ratchet. Like, that girl is so wrenchy? But then I was thinking about what it means that (a) people are posting such aggressive reactions to language evolution and (b) other people are upvoting it.

Of course, these people probably don’t know they’re prescriptivists, and they probably make their own “mistakes” in language use from a prescriptive perspective. But isn’t it interesting to see these sorts of comments being made.

3. “Ham Sandwich” is a drinking thing.

I was listening to Jason Derulo earlier, and I’ve always been bothered by this line in one of his songs (I think it’s “Bubblegum” but I’m not 100 percent sure): “Go ahead and go ham sandwich.” I don’t know what this means.

Then, I got on Facebook and one of my friends posted about a shot (set of shots? shot pattern?) called the “Ham Sandwich” where one takes a dark, light, then dark shot. Maybe she is making this up, but probably not. Is this what Jason Derulo is talking about?

A quick perusal of Urban Dictionary shows there are a lot of potential definitions for “ham sandwich,” and none of the other ones seem more likely to be what he’s talking about.

4. I might be out of touch?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s totally fine and normal that I don’t know what ratchet and ham sandwich mean. Maybe it’s weird. I guess I’ll probably never know.

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Lunch with the BBINH

I recently had lunch with the Best Boyfriend I Never Had. This is something considering we live in two different states and haven’t talked, let alone seen each other, in over two years.

I had a lovely time, and it was a nice reminder of how well we got along and why. He told me about his new job and asked about some of my personal philosophies. We laughed a lot.

When my mom found out, though, she was intrigued. In some ways, I think she saw my relationship with the BBINH through a different lens than I did (a more serious, perhaps even more committed one). “Was is weird?” she wanted to know. “Was it awkward?” Continue reading

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The Struggle with Setting

I love to write. I have a problem, though, with just jumping in and not dealing with the details. I’m working on a romance novel right now, just barely into the drafting stages. It started with my typically sit-down-and-write-it-out method.

I’ve been playing with writing a romance novel for several years, and for some reason I am now feeling inspired to follow through with that. But if I stick with just freewriting my ideas, I know I’ll have thousands of words, no plot, and a weird mix of attachment and resentment for whatever I come up with by the time I stop.

This is my normal writing process. This is why I haven’t finished anything since taking a fiction-writing course in 2010. Whoops.

This time, I’m taking a pause at just short of 7,000 words to assess what I’ve got. This means seeking advice from my friend (and fellow author) Milton Blackwell. This means coming up with goals and obstacles for my two main characters. This means thinking about setting, which is honestly the last thing I usually think about. Continue reading

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Taking Time to Take Care of Yourself

On last night’s action-packed (seriously) season finale of Marriage Boot Camp, Gloria became the first person to not give back her partner’s ring, leaving Mark understandable upset.

And the Twitterverse, with Jim joking (sort of?):

Honestly, I wasn’t all that shocked that Gloria and Mark didn’t stay together, though I do have to commend Gloria for her reasoning: “I need to take time for me.”

At first, this seems kind of selfish, especially because I think Mark really did grow and really pored his heart out to her only moments before being crushed. But her whole point was that while the two of them had both grown as individuals, they hadn’t grown together as a couple, and she still had a lot of work to do in order to make their (or any) relationship work.

As Jim and Elizabeth said, and their production company later tweeted:

Usually, the best decision is the hardest one to make. We see Gloria say that she isn’t sure if walking away from her marriage to Mark would just be running away from another problem. Some fixes for problems seem easy, but they aren’t necessarily the right ones.

But this isn’t really about choices. This is about taking care of ourselves. How do we know when it’s time to “take time for me”? Continue reading

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The Devil’s Own Desperado

The Devil’s Own Desperado

I recently picked up The Devil’s Own Desperado by Lynda J. Cox on my Kindle (does it still count as “picking it up” if it’s not even a physical copy?). I’ve been working on my own novel and I needed something romantic to read that was different enough from my own contemporary romance ideas. This did just the trick.

I don’t think Cox knows me, but we have a few mutual friends and that makes me feel a sort of kinship with her. I was excited to read a book by someone I knew, at least through the grapevine. Continue reading

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