Tag Archives: online dating

Bye, Bye, Dating Life. Hello, Relationship.

With things go so well with The Traveling Progressive, readers can look forward to different kinds of posts coming at them here.

But that brings me to a predicament: what do I do with the Tech Head?

Here’s the deal: I started talking to this guy a while ago, we text often, but he was out of town until recently. Now he’s back and wants to hang out, even though I haven’t responded to any of his texts for the past week. I don’t want to be a bitch and just ignore him because he seems like someone who would be a good friend, but I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings about the fact that I’m not looking for anything other than friends.

However, I also don’t want to send him a text that just assumes he’s only looking for someone to have a relationship with because that seems a little shitty. It reminds me of that text. . .

So I was thinking of something along the lines of: “Welcome back to [shitty town]! It would be great to hang out, but I feel like I should let you know that I’ve started seeing someone and am only interested in being friends.”

Does that sound shitty? Does that sound presumptuous? Does it sound like I’m keeping that door cracked open just-in-case?

That last one is definitely not how I want to sound. I’m almost obnoxiously serious about TTP. I still can’t seem to locate any flaws; last night I was in the crappiest mood, and he told me he would “just love on me” until I felt better; he makes fun of my weird quirks without being an ass. He likes to see me, and I like to see him, and even though it’s only been a couple of weeks, I don’t foresee any major shifts in feelings any time soon on either of our parts. I’m wild about him, and it’s not even that scary.

In other news, my friends keep telling me it needs to be “facebook official” but TTP and I decided to just not list any relationship status on there at all. I think it’s super cute that he removed his relationship status because of our conversation/the day after we had this conversation. In this convo, I told him that I didn’t have a relationship status because I have several friends that I didn’t necessarily want to know I was single, and I have several colleagues/former students as friends, and I don’t think my relationship status is any of there business. This convo ended with, “So, I basically just decided I wouldn’t have a relationship status unless I am in a relationship.”

His response? “The best way to beat the system is to not play by their rules.”

 

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Those Under 25 Need Not Apply

Sure, a lot of people say age is just a number. And after a certain point, I think that definitely holds true. But I’m not at a point in my life where I’m even remotely interested in dating someone younger than me.

And yet, I’ve gotten a couple of messages from ballsy 20-year-olds, messages that make me cringe or feel awful. It also makes me feel a little annoyed.

On the one hand, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating someone younger than you, regardless of your gender.

On the other hand, I personally am not at all interested in dating someone my students’ age. I teach at a university, and there is no way that I’m going to even think about a relationship with someone who could potentially be one of those students. It just weirds me out.

These two guys (I’m trying really hard to refrain from calling them kids, but that’s what they are to me!) have taken slightly different approaches.

Option A:

Men rule the world, but women rule men.

That’s what I’m looking for.”

 

Uh. . . okay? There are a lot of reasons I would say no to this kind of message. It’s (a) not a statement I agree with, and (b) not a statement that makes a lot of sense, and (c) I have no interest in being in a weird mothering relationship to my boyfriend (again). Maybe that last bit is reading too much into it, but that’s totally how it makes me feel. As my friend A pointed out, this guy “wants to be owned by a woman.” But that’s not what I’m looking for either. I’m fairly confident my response was “I want a partner, a teammate.” And not one who is five years younger than me.

Five years may not seem like a long time, but there’s a pretty substantial difference between a 25-year-old woman with a master’s degree and a 20-year-old college male. I might be interested in a particularly mature 23- or 24-year-old, but I’ve not really even met or seen a 25-year-old I’d be genuinely interested in hanging out with, married guy aside. So no.

I didn’t respond to this guy, and it appears that his profile has now been removed so I don’t have to.

Option B is a bit more sincere, which I’ve paraphrased here:

I know I’m younger than you’re looking for, we have a lot of the same interests, I’ve never heard of anyone in your music section, you write well. I’m getting a degree in English; how exciting to meet someone also working on a degree in that field.”

This guy seems sweet. But I’m not interested in dating someone younger, which the guy even acknowledges. It’s great that we have similar interests, and maybe I should remove that I’m looking for “friends” because maybe that would have prevented this (but really? does anyone else pay attention to what a user is actually interested in?). I feel almost obligated to respond, but I’m not sure how: “You should check out those artists; good luck with your degree!” But that almost feels like leading him on/allowing him to think I’m interested when I am most definitely not.

My other reaction to this message was really defensive: “I’m notĀ working on a degree in English. I haveĀ two of them.” This is a silly reaction, but I can only take so much of people (men, particularly) assuming that I’m still a college undergraduate without wanting to unleash a wrath. I try to shake this off as a positive: I look young, and when I’m 40 or 50, I’ll be thankful to look younger than I am.

But that’s not always easy to do, and I find myself saying “I have a master’s degree” almost as a defense mechanism, as if that’s going to illustrate that I’m not as young as whoever I’m talking to thinks I am.

OkCupid sure offers a lot of inspiration for blogging, but I wish that I could prevent people who don’t meet my interests from messaging me. Maybe that will keep me from finding a wonderful match, but in reality it will probably just prevent people with a 58% match rating who are also over or under my age interests from sending me messages I don’t care to respond to and then feeling guilty about that.

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So, I Guess I’m Online Dating Again

Well, I’ve done it. I’ve gone and reactivated my OKCupid profile. I had planned to just make a new one (actually, I thought I had deleted the entire account), but I was able to retrieve and update my old profile.

Hello, three-year-old photos!

Goodbye, three-year-old photos!

Hello, current photos!

Wait a second. Where are the good, current photos of me? You mean I don’t have a full-length picture of myself that was taken in the past six months? The most recent one I could find is from last June?

Huh.

I don’t know how this is going to go. I’ve already gotten several messages and I already don’t know how I feel about most of the people checking out my profile and sending me the “hey, ur beautiful” messages. Can’t you give me more than that?

I would hope so.

Anyway, it looks like I’m online dating again, so get stoked to hear how that’s going to go.

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