Tag Archives: relationship

Bye, Bye, Dating Life. Hello, Relationship.

With things go so well with The Traveling Progressive, readers can look forward to different kinds of posts coming at them here.

But that brings me to a predicament: what do I do with the Tech Head?

Here’s the deal: I started talking to this guy a while ago, we text often, but he was out of town until recently. Now he’s back and wants to hang out, even though I haven’t responded to any of his texts for the past week. I don’t want to be a bitch and just ignore him because he seems like someone who would be a good friend, but I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings about the fact that I’m not looking for anything other than friends.

However, I also don’t want to send him a text that just assumes he’s only looking for someone to have a relationship with because that seems a little shitty. It reminds me of that text. . .

So I was thinking of something along the lines of: “Welcome back to [shitty town]! It would be great to hang out, but I feel like I should let you know that I’ve started seeing someone and am only interested in being friends.”

Does that sound shitty? Does that sound presumptuous? Does it sound like I’m keeping that door cracked open just-in-case?

That last one is definitely not how I want to sound. I’m almost obnoxiously serious about TTP. I still can’t seem to locate any flaws; last night I was in the crappiest mood, and he told me he would “just love on me” until I felt better; he makes fun of my weird quirks without being an ass. He likes to see me, and I like to see him, and even though it’s only been a couple of weeks, I don’t foresee any major shifts in feelings any time soon on either of our parts. I’m wild about him, and it’s not even that scary.

In other news, my friends keep telling me it needs to be “facebook official” but TTP and I decided to just not list any relationship status on there at all. I think it’s super cute that he removed his relationship status because of our conversation/the day after we had this conversation. In this convo, I told him that I didn’t have a relationship status because I have several friends that I didn’t necessarily want to know I was single, and I have several colleagues/former students as friends, and I don’t think my relationship status is any of there business. This convo ended with, “So, I basically just decided I wouldn’t have a relationship status unless I am in a relationship.”

His response? “The best way to beat the system is to not play by their rules.”

 

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Me: This is wonderful, but it’s also bad. Very bad. And by bad, I mean that I’m going to crash and burn for him.

J: 

Me: If I haven’t started already.

J: I was gonna say.

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“Just Tell Him You Like Him!”

Haha, BFF. This is advice my best friend gave me today, after hearing me fawn over The Cop for most of last night and then again today via text. By 9:17 this morning, I was already being told to just tell him I like him because I was talking about him that much.

“Riiiiiight. Like that would ever happen.”

What is my problem? I am totally, 100% against exposing my feelings directly to someone whom I have known for years. Maybe it’s the fact that we haven’t talked in a few years. Maybe it’s because there’s been a sudden shift in my point of view and ideas about him. Maybe it’s because I’m left wondering, “why did I never see The Cop this way before? Or did I, and I just didn’t know it?”

So while I’m dealing with those thoughts, I’m also thinking about how The Cop is leaving town soon to be un-see-able but not totally un-reachable while also being so busy. For four months.

FOUR MONTHS.

alice gifWe all know I’m going to be sitting at my desk, twirling my hair, thinking about his arms.

This fact of life is leaving me being a little irrational–like, really, if he’s off doing his cop things is he really going to be meeting and falling for some other girl? No. Probably not, unless she is also at the police academy and then maybe that would be a good fit for him? I don’t know.

But instead of just being like “listen, I think you are swell and I’d like to stay in touch while you’re gone and I hope that I don’t annoy you and then maybe we can hang out again when you’re back,” I’m having quiet, internal freak outs about whether or not he realized I like him or if he thinks I’m just weird? Continue reading

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What is “Dating” in the 21st-Century?

date clip artSingle ladies and gents: When was the last time you went on a date?

How did you know that was actually a date?

Dating has been on my mind a lot lately, both as a writer and a person who is trying to date. What does it look like for two people to actually date in 21st century America? Continue reading

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More on The Unexpected Italian

The sex had been so good, I was still thinking about it almost a week later.

This was not like me, at all, and if someone had told me this would happen, I wouldn’t have believed them. And yet, here I am, thinking about The Unexpected Italian, days later, perhaps with no end in sight.

Let me rewind for a second: The Unexpected Italian is not my usual type. He’s not a pompous, literature-loving douchebag, for starters. He’s also younger than me–we all know I’m not too much into that. He’s taller than me, but not by much. He’s smart but maybe that doesn’t always show because he’s also a frat boy at heart.

Now, he’s not the typical frat boy. Deep down, I’m fairly certain he’s a good guy. He cares about trust and friendship and getting to know someone, not just getting some from them (but, of course, he’s not the type to turn that down). I also really enjoyed his company: just hanging out and chatting with him, the time goes by so quickly.

But I’m not thinking about the chats, or what we watched on television, or anything like that.

I’m still thinking about the sex. Continue reading

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Age is Just a Number. . .

So where did my no-younger-men hangups come from?

My whole life, I’ve dated people who were my age or older–mostly at least a year older than me, but sometimes more like four or five. It never really struck me as odd that I would date someone who was older than me.

But when I think about dating a younger guy, I think it’s possibly the weirdest thing. I just don’t (think I) have any interest in it.

However, my current romantic inclinations are indicating differently. I wrote not that long ago about how I didn’t want to date someone younger than me, and this is still mostly holds true. I don’t go out looking for someone who is only 23 or 24.

But sometimes they find me. Whether I have known them my whole life (like The Cop, my friend from high school) or I just met them through a mutual friend, there are a couple of guys I’m chatting up that are both fun and exciting and younger than me.

Eeeeek.

I was talking to my best friend about this, and she thinks I’m absolutely nuts. She doesn’t understand what the big deal is. And I guess I don’t either. I’m not sure why I feel this way; I just always have.

Maybe it has to do with my own parents: my dad is two years older than my mom, and in my mind, that’s the way relationships should be. Now. I’m smart enough to know that there is no ideal relationship, that people click for many different reasons, and that two strong relationships don’t have to look anything alike.

But I was talking to my mom about the friend-of-a-friend, and her response was “Well, he’s just a pup. You don’t want that.”

Huh.

This kid is only two years younger than me, and we actually have a lot in common. And he’s done some things that I’ve never done–like live abroad for a year–and I think that makes a big difference. We spent hours talking while we were out the other night, and the truth is that unless I’m actively thinking about it, I forget that he’s younger than I am.

Another one of my really good friends thinks it’s strange that I’m so hung up about his being younger than me. She’s met him, and said he was “unlikely on the surface” but seems like a good guy. That’s actually a perfect way to put it.

While my mom’s onto something in that I don’t want to date someone too much younger than me, there’s definitely more to it than just age. There’s a lot of other factors that makes someone datable, and I’m trying to remind myself that age is no longer the most important one (unlike when I was in high school). If there are likable things about these guys, should it really be a deal breaker if they are 23 or 24?

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Things We Can Learn from Reality TV

I often get mocked for my trash-TV fixation. I just can’t help it! I love really horrible reality (and not-so-reality) TV shows, from cooking contests like Chopped or Cutthroat Kitchen to those that follow people attempting to grow and change like My Strange Addiction to the ever-popular relationship-based shows like Southern Charm and Bridezillas. I don’t care how sensationalized some of these shows are, I love them.

Lately, I have been hooked on Marriage Boot Camp. My mom and I watch it all the time, much to my father’s chagrin. He sleeps through it and sometimes even outrightly makes fun of us (read: me) for tearing up during the show.

The thing is, I feel like I’m learning a lot about relationships and how to make them healthy just by watching Mai-Lee, Tomas, Blanca, Julian, Gloria, Mark, Sofia, Shaun, Tasha, and Jeff try to navigate their feelings, failings, and futures with Jim, Elizabeth, and interchangeable co-director set #2 (okay, these guys are cute but I can’t remember their names and, like the ones on Season 1, they serve limited functions and are totally replaceable, so. . .sorry?).

I didn’t get into MBC until season 2 started, really, so I’ve recently binge-watched the first season, as well. My mom and I spend a lot of time talking about what we can actually learn and take-away to our own relationships. Some of their advice is definitely very partner-based (like how to make sex happen), while other parts are more centered on an individual and can help viewers to improve themselves regardless of whether they are in a relationship.

Forgiveness. Image from Krexy.com, used under Creative Commons license.

Continue reading

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Love Life Introspective, #1

After being in a long-term relationship for just short of two years, I find myself living six months single. Break-ups are hard, but I personally find the in-betweenness of twenty-something singledom to be frustrating.

I don’t know if “in-betweenness” is common post-break-ups at this age, but that’s definitely how I’m feeling. I no longer mourn my lost relationship, though I do occasionally get the urge to talk to the ex, The Grad School Boyfriend. This mostly happens when immersed in something I shared with him, like Game of Thrones.

At the same time, I am definitely not ready to be friends with him again. I would like to, eventually, but it’s just not something I’m sure we could ever do. Our relationship was, frankly, toxic. And how do you get over that toxic past to be friends who care about each other’s success and well-being without falling back into the toxic romance? Continue reading

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