Tag Archives: relationships

Lucky in Love

Some days, it just hits me how lucky I am.

A year ago, I was finally recovering from one of the worst relationships of my life. Now, I’m in one of the best relationships I’ve ever had.

But tonight, I am marathoning Catfish and if there is anything that can make a woman feel lucky in love, it’s watching this show. Especially after having tried the “online dating” thing and having one pretty miserable experience.

I think some of these situations are just absolutely crazy. I was totally shocked to see in one episode that Marcus is a real person. He’s really who he says he is!

But then he said something along the lines of “you can’t commit to just one kind of pizza.”

Ooookay?

And I feel like Daisy and Marcus had one of the better experiences. This is one of only a couple of times that I can remember the mystery person being who they said they were. Most of the time, it’s someone enacting a fantasy to, at best, deal with negatives of their own lives, or, at worst, to intentionally manipulate and take advantage of someone else they’ve met on the internet.

I am one of the lucky ones, I think while watching. Not necessarily for avoiding a catfish scenario, but because I am in love.

Real, true, genuine love.

And that is such a good feeling. Even in the sucky moments. Even when I’m upset the TTP is so far away. Even when I feel sad, lonely, and discouraged: I. Am. So. In. Love.

And that makes me one lucky lady.

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The One With All The Tears

I have been relatively off the radar lately, friends. I posted forever ago, it seems like, about my awesome new relationship! And how this blog would be going in a new direction.

Apparently that direction was nowhere.

I really hope to start blogging more soon, I do. And today is the start of that.

TTP is moving.

TTP is away for the weekend.

For a reference point, TTP and I have spent exactly one night apart since we started dating. In August.

This weekend serves as kind of a trial run for his move (which will be in the next couple of weeks), and it is NOT looking good, folks. This morning I cried while I poured out the rest of his pot of coffee after he left for the airport.

It’s just like this, except “Gary” is “TTP”

Because that is a totally normal reaction.

But it’s always the littlest things, isn’t it? Right now I’m watching reruns of Friends (and no, not on Netflix, because I’m too lazy to get up and switch to the bluray player that runs Netflix). The way Ross just hugged Rachel, holding is hand against her head, totally reminds me of the ways that TTP snuggles me into him, holding me close to his chest.

It just doesn’t feel right that I’m going to go to bed tonight without feeling that embrace, the warmth. That love.

Surely I’m not the only one that can *feel* this?

Deep down, I know that I’m being just a little ridiculous. That I’m just being a bit emotional. I am capable of totally rationalizing that he’s (a) not moving that far away, (b) we’ll be able to see each other regularly, even if that isn’t every week, and (c) I am totally capable of functioning on my own.

That rationalizing doesn’t necessarily make it any easier, though.

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Bye, Bye, Dating Life. Hello, Relationship.

With things go so well with The Traveling Progressive, readers can look forward to different kinds of posts coming at them here.

But that brings me to a predicament: what do I do with the Tech Head?

Here’s the deal: I started talking to this guy a while ago, we text often, but he was out of town until recently. Now he’s back and wants to hang out, even though I haven’t responded to any of his texts for the past week. I don’t want to be a bitch and just ignore him because he seems like someone who would be a good friend, but I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings about the fact that I’m not looking for anything other than friends.

However, I also don’t want to send him a text that just assumes he’s only looking for someone to have a relationship with because that seems a little shitty. It reminds me of that text. . .

So I was thinking of something along the lines of: “Welcome back to [shitty town]! It would be great to hang out, but I feel like I should let you know that I’ve started seeing someone and am only interested in being friends.”

Does that sound shitty? Does that sound presumptuous? Does it sound like I’m keeping that door cracked open just-in-case?

That last one is definitely not how I want to sound. I’m almost obnoxiously serious about TTP. I still can’t seem to locate any flaws; last night I was in the crappiest mood, and he told me he would “just love on me” until I felt better; he makes fun of my weird quirks without being an ass. He likes to see me, and I like to see him, and even though it’s only been a couple of weeks, I don’t foresee any major shifts in feelings any time soon on either of our parts. I’m wild about him, and it’s not even that scary.

In other news, my friends keep telling me it needs to be “facebook official” but TTP and I decided to just not list any relationship status on there at all. I think it’s super cute that he removed his relationship status because of our conversation/the day after we had this conversation. In this convo, I told him that I didn’t have a relationship status because I have several friends that I didn’t necessarily want to know I was single, and I have several colleagues/former students as friends, and I don’t think my relationship status is any of there business. This convo ended with, “So, I basically just decided I wouldn’t have a relationship status unless I am in a relationship.”

His response? “The best way to beat the system is to not play by their rules.”

 

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Me: This is wonderful, but it’s also bad. Very bad. And by bad, I mean that I’m going to crash and burn for him.

J: 

Me: If I haven’t started already.

J: I was gonna say.

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Love Life Introspective: No, I am Not a Slut

So, I’ve been really quiet again lately. That’s because I keep starting posts and not finishing them. And I keep not finishing them because things are going really well, almost too well to be able to write about it in any meaningful way.

Most importantly, The Traveling Progressive and I have been seeing quite a lot of each other. He has made me a delicious dinner, taken me out for a fancy dinner, and put me completely out of my element by taking me out on an ATV.

And he told me stories of baby TTP crashing four-wheelers.

When I recently discussed this with my parents, the differences in their reactions were startling.

Me: TTP took me to the [little, fancy, expensive restaurant in town] last night.

Dad: Oh? How was it?

Me: It was really good. . .blah blah blah.

But later, my conversation with my mom was more like this:

Me: TTP took me to the [little, fancy, expensive restaurant in town] last night.

Mom: And is he expecting any reciprocity in return?

Me: [dumbfounded look as I try to decide if she is talking about my taking TTP out sometime]

Mom: Well, you know most guys expect something in return for taking you out to a nice dinner.

Me: Or. . . not. Because that hasn’t happened.

Mom: You need to play hard to get.

Now, I don’t necessarily want to discuss my parents’ disparate reactions, or how weird it is that my mom chose to focus on whether or not I was sleeping with him while my dad just cared how dinner was. I also don’t want to talk about my mother’s passive comments like smirking at me when someone mention’s “fuck buddies” or straight up asking “who are you sleeping with now?” when I try to get my family to make plans in advance so I can plan the rest of my weekend. Continue reading

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“Sometimes you just wanna kiss the girl. . .”

If someone had told me, back in the early days of college, that I’d be standing in the school corporation parking lot late on a Sunday night, making out with my new college friend’s exboyfriend, I probably would have laughed in their face. Even if that someone had been the future me.

But that’s exactly where I was last night.  Continue reading

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“Just Tell Him You Like Him!”

Haha, BFF. This is advice my best friend gave me today, after hearing me fawn over The Cop for most of last night and then again today via text. By 9:17 this morning, I was already being told to just tell him I like him because I was talking about him that much.

“Riiiiiight. Like that would ever happen.”

What is my problem? I am totally, 100% against exposing my feelings directly to someone whom I have known for years. Maybe it’s the fact that we haven’t talked in a few years. Maybe it’s because there’s been a sudden shift in my point of view and ideas about him. Maybe it’s because I’m left wondering, “why did I never see The Cop this way before? Or did I, and I just didn’t know it?”

So while I’m dealing with those thoughts, I’m also thinking about how The Cop is leaving town soon to be un-see-able but not totally un-reachable while also being so busy. For four months.

FOUR MONTHS.

alice gifWe all know I’m going to be sitting at my desk, twirling my hair, thinking about his arms.

This fact of life is leaving me being a little irrational–like, really, if he’s off doing his cop things is he really going to be meeting and falling for some other girl? No. Probably not, unless she is also at the police academy and then maybe that would be a good fit for him? I don’t know.

But instead of just being like “listen, I think you are swell and I’d like to stay in touch while you’re gone and I hope that I don’t annoy you and then maybe we can hang out again when you’re back,” I’m having quiet, internal freak outs about whether or not he realized I like him or if he thinks I’m just weird? Continue reading

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Coffee and the Cop

When The Cop and I had lunch forever a go (okay, maybe a month?), our time ended with my whining about not getting to have a turtle mocha from my favorite coffee shop because my friends had suddenly decided we needed to meet elsewhere. When we parted ways, I told The Cop we’d have to get a turtle mocha soon because he’d never even heard of one. He’d never even had a chocolate turtle.

I just can’t imagine a life without a chocolate turtle.

So, I finally texted him last week to say that we should get together for a turtle mocha. So we did. Today. Which was his next day off.

His next day off which was totally packed full of other shit to do, and he still found time to hang out with me for an hour at a coffee shop. Continue reading

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Love Life Introspective: Relationship Material

Yesterday, I came across this post on Miss Guyded Dates about the top personality traits men are looking for in women. Writer NewYorkVAGal challenges some of these qualities and what the top qualities women would choose for men.

The qualities, which come from Ask Men’s 2013 Great Man Survey, are:

  • Sense of Loyalty (36% overall, 40% in the US)
  • Sense of Caring/Nurturing (26% overall, 25% in the US)
  • Sense of Humor (20% overall, 16% in the US)
  • Intelligence (18% overall, 19% in the US)

Now, it’s important to note that these are the only four choices the survey gave men. So some men might actually have another quality that is more important than these. Notice how none of them have to do with looks, which culture seems to reinforce as one of the most important things we look for in a mate (whether that’s true or not, I’ll not venture to guess).

I’m trying to make myself think about this topic more. What exactly am I looking for? What do I want in a potential partner?

At one point I liked you, but I'm more interested in these cookies now. Image by Scott McLead, via Flickr.

At one point I liked you, but I’m more interested in these cookies now.
Image by Scott McLead, via Flickr.

In the past, I’ve tended to not know what I’m looking for or what I like about a particular person. “There’s just something about them,” I would emphasize, as if the X Factor was somehow the most important consideration when looking for a mate. But that is ultimately not helpful when it comes to evaluating the relationship because I typically end up losing sight of what I found attractive about him in the first place. Continue reading

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Age is Just a Number. . .

So where did my no-younger-men hangups come from?

My whole life, I’ve dated people who were my age or older–mostly at least a year older than me, but sometimes more like four or five. It never really struck me as odd that I would date someone who was older than me.

But when I think about dating a younger guy, I think it’s possibly the weirdest thing. I just don’t (think I) have any interest in it.

However, my current romantic inclinations are indicating differently. I wrote not that long ago about how I didn’t want to date someone younger than me, and this is still mostly holds true. I don’t go out looking for someone who is only 23 or 24.

But sometimes they find me. Whether I have known them my whole life (like The Cop, my friend from high school) or I just met them through a mutual friend, there are a couple of guys I’m chatting up that are both fun and exciting and younger than me.

Eeeeek.

I was talking to my best friend about this, and she thinks I’m absolutely nuts. She doesn’t understand what the big deal is. And I guess I don’t either. I’m not sure why I feel this way; I just always have.

Maybe it has to do with my own parents: my dad is two years older than my mom, and in my mind, that’s the way relationships should be. Now. I’m smart enough to know that there is no ideal relationship, that people click for many different reasons, and that two strong relationships don’t have to look anything alike.

But I was talking to my mom about the friend-of-a-friend, and her response was “Well, he’s just a pup. You don’t want that.”

Huh.

This kid is only two years younger than me, and we actually have a lot in common. And he’s done some things that I’ve never done–like live abroad for a year–and I think that makes a big difference. We spent hours talking while we were out the other night, and the truth is that unless I’m actively thinking about it, I forget that he’s younger than I am.

Another one of my really good friends thinks it’s strange that I’m so hung up about his being younger than me. She’s met him, and said he was “unlikely on the surface” but seems like a good guy. That’s actually a perfect way to put it.

While my mom’s onto something in that I don’t want to date someone too much younger than me, there’s definitely more to it than just age. There’s a lot of other factors that makes someone datable, and I’m trying to remind myself that age is no longer the most important one (unlike when I was in high school). If there are likable things about these guys, should it really be a deal breaker if they are 23 or 24?

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