Tag Archives: sex

Love Life Introspective: No, I am Not a Slut

So, I’ve been really quiet again lately. That’s because I keep starting posts and not finishing them. And I keep not finishing them because things are going really well, almost too well to be able to write about it in any meaningful way.

Most importantly, The Traveling Progressive and I have been seeing quite a lot of each other. He has made me a delicious dinner, taken me out for a fancy dinner, and put me completely out of my element by taking me out on an ATV.

And he told me stories of baby TTP crashing four-wheelers.

When I recently discussed this with my parents, the differences in their reactions were startling.

Me: TTP took me to the [little, fancy, expensive restaurant in town] last night.

Dad: Oh? How was it?

Me: It was really good. . .blah blah blah.

But later, my conversation with my mom was more like this:

Me: TTP took me to the [little, fancy, expensive restaurant in town] last night.

Mom: And is he expecting any reciprocity in return?

Me: [dumbfounded look as I try to decide if she is talking about my taking TTP out sometime]

Mom: Well, you know most guys expect something in return for taking you out to a nice dinner.

Me: Or. . . not. Because that hasn’t happened.

Mom: You need to play hard to get.

Now, I don’t necessarily want to discuss my parents’ disparate reactions, or how weird it is that my mom chose to focus on whether or not I was sleeping with him while my dad just cared how dinner was. I also don’t want to talk about my mother’s passive comments like smirking at me when someone mention’s “fuck buddies” or straight up asking “who are you sleeping with now?” when I try to get my family to make plans in advance so I can plan the rest of my weekend. Continue reading

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The Consent He Did Not Get

A few years ago, I had a very regrettable night. I went out with a friend, ended up going home with a guy friend of hers, and having sex that I did not want to have.

I don’t think about it often, but every once in a while, it creeps its way back into my consciousness: I am a smart and responsible girl, so how did I get there?

I was reminded of this situation this afternoon while reading Sara Alcid’s post on Everyday Feminism, “Navigating Consent: Debunking the ‘Grey Area’ Myth.

Specifically, Alcid’s discussion of how one partner may say no and then eventually be pressured into a “yes” really resonated with me, and this early December night, in particular. Continue reading

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My Neck. . . My Back


In my conversations with The Unexpected Italian (maybe I should just call him The Italian–The Half Italian?), he basically told me that he liked when a woman knows what she wants sexually. I feel like people often know this, but they have a hard time spelling it out.

In an episode of season 2 of Girls, Adam gets hooked up with Natalie, who very clearly articulates what she does not want sex to include. Even though it doesn’t work out for them, Adam knows before they even have sex what she does and doesn’t want.

As I’ve talked about before, there are some definite things that I do not want when it comes to sex. But I also know that there are some things that make being intimate way more enjoyable. And the best way to get me into bed is through my back. Continue reading

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More on The Unexpected Italian

The sex had been so good, I was still thinking about it almost a week later.

This was not like me, at all, and if someone had told me this would happen, I wouldn’t have believed them. And yet, here I am, thinking about The Unexpected Italian, days later, perhaps with no end in sight.

Let me rewind for a second: The Unexpected Italian is not my usual type. He’s not a pompous, literature-loving douchebag, for starters. He’s also younger than me–we all know I’m not too much into that. He’s taller than me, but not by much. He’s smart but maybe that doesn’t always show because he’s also a frat boy at heart.

Now, he’s not the typical frat boy. Deep down, I’m fairly certain he’s a good guy. He cares about trust and friendship and getting to know someone, not just getting some from them (but, of course, he’s not the type to turn that down). I also really enjoyed his company: just hanging out and chatting with him, the time goes by so quickly.

But I’m not thinking about the chats, or what we watched on television, or anything like that.

I’m still thinking about the sex. Continue reading

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Do Men Put Any Thought Into. . . Their Underwear?

Have you ever really thought about men’s underwear?

I don’t think I’m alone when I say that I spend a lot of time thinking about my underwear. Even when I’m not planning for anyone to see those underwear (which is about 99% of the time, seriously), I still put a lot of thought into my bra and panties.

Sometimes this thought is completely about comfort. Today, for example, I’m wearing my favorite cotton underwear. I’m also just working in my house: watching Millionaire Matchmaker, trying to work on Fucking Story, Bro or whatever it turns out to be called. I’m not even wearing a bra because why would I?

(hint: If you’re looking for a great pair of cotton panties, check out these by Jockey. I can’t buy enough of them).

There are a lot of options out there for women looking for specific kinds of underwear, from the everyday to the super-sexy to the novelty.

Are there even options beyond boring every boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs for men? And if there are, why don’t guys where them?

I won’t lie. When I get dressed in the morning, before going out, before work, before a date, etc. etc., I think about whether or not there’s even an opportunity for someone else to see my panties. I wear them for me, but knowingly. Nothing beefs up confidence quite like a pair of sexy panties, especially if they match your bra (bonus points for matching to shoes, too).

But guys’ underwear is pretty inconsequential. Most of them are pretty staunch in the preferences of boxers, briefs, or boxer-briefs, so their options are narrowed basically instantly. After that, is there really much of a difference between solid blue, striped, or plaid? No. No there’s not.

I’d like to meet a man who appreciates good underwear, and not just on me. Maybe that’s silly. But shouldn’t guys put in a little effort to?

Like these lace undies by AMC, available on Amazon (of course).

Like these lace undies by Simplicity, available on Amazon (of course).

I don’t actually know what my reaction would be if I was with a guy, he took off his pants, and revealed this. Maybe if he was a bit hunkier than the model in this photo, it would be sexy. Too bad these definitely aren’t marketed for the hunks I’d like to see them on.

Maybe I’m thinking too hard about this. Maybe guys don’t care as much about my underwear as I do (seeing as most guys just rip them off without even a second glance). But if I know your favorite color is red, and I’m planning for you to see my panties, they’re probably going to be red.

Would it be so bad for a guy to put some effort into his under things?

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