Tag Archives: The Best Boyfriend I Never Had

The Consent He Did Not Get

A few years ago, I had a very regrettable night. I went out with a friend, ended up going home with a guy friend of hers, and having sex that I did not want to have.

I don’t think about it often, but every once in a while, it creeps its way back into my consciousness: I am a smart and responsible girl, so how did I get there?

I was reminded of this situation this afternoon while reading Sara Alcid’s post on Everyday Feminism, “Navigating Consent: Debunking the ‘Grey Area’ Myth.

Specifically, Alcid’s discussion of how one partner may say no and then eventually be pressured into a “yes” really resonated with me, and this early December night, in particular. Continue reading

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My Neck. . . My Back

 

In my conversations with The Unexpected Italian (maybe I should just call him The Italian–The Half Italian?), he basically told me that he liked when a woman knows what she wants sexually. I feel like people often know this, but they have a hard time spelling it out.

In an episode of season 2 of Girls, Adam gets hooked up with Natalie, who very clearly articulates what she does not want sex to include. Even though it doesn’t work out for them, Adam knows before they even have sex what she does and doesn’t want.

As I’ve talked about before, there are some definite things that I do not want when it comes to sex. But I also know that there are some things that make being intimate way more enjoyable. And the best way to get me into bed is through my back. Continue reading

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Lunch with the BBINH

I recently had lunch with the Best Boyfriend I Never Had. This is something considering we live in two different states and haven’t talked, let alone seen each other, in over two years.

I had a lovely time, and it was a nice reminder of how well we got along and why. He told me about his new job and asked about some of my personal philosophies. We laughed a lot.

When my mom found out, though, she was intrigued. In some ways, I think she saw my relationship with the BBINH through a different lens than I did (a more serious, perhaps even more committed one). “Was is weird?” she wanted to know. “Was it awkward?” Continue reading

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Love Life Introspective, #1

After being in a long-term relationship for just short of two years, I find myself living six months single. Break-ups are hard, but I personally find the in-betweenness of twenty-something singledom to be frustrating.

I don’t know if “in-betweenness” is common post-break-ups at this age, but that’s definitely how I’m feeling. I no longer mourn my lost relationship, though I do occasionally get the urge to talk to the ex, The Grad School Boyfriend. This mostly happens when immersed in something I shared with him, like Game of Thrones.

At the same time, I am definitely not ready to be friends with him again. I would like to, eventually, but it’s just not something I’m sure we could ever do. Our relationship was, frankly, toxic. And how do you get over that toxic past to be friends who care about each other’s success and well-being without falling back into the toxic romance? Continue reading

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