Tag Archives: younger men

Hello, Operator?

So, I’m starting to wonder if communication is not my strong suit. I don’t think this is actually true, but lately I feel like I’m genuinely having trouble getting through to the guys in my life.

My poor friends listen to me bitch so much, and multiple of them have been like “I just can’t keep track of these guys anymore.”

Yeah, welcome to my life, guys.

I’ve recently been chatting up with guy I met on OKCupid who also works at the same university I do. We’ve mostly texted but he seems very nice. He’s fun to talk to. He wanted to get together this weekend, but I already had a lot of other plans and needed to spend some time at my house. Given the last internet-spark date fiasco, I am totally fine with taking it a bit slower and not meeting up with people until I’ve talked to them for a while. He’s leaving to go out of town until school starts again at the end of August, so I guess that gives us plenty of opportunity to talk before deciding if meeting up is the way to go?

Anyways, in Am-I-Really-An-Awful-Communicator? News. . . Continue reading

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Coffee and the Cop

When The Cop and I had lunch forever a go (okay, maybe a month?), our time ended with my whining about not getting to have a turtle mocha from my favorite coffee shop because my friends had suddenly decided we needed to meet elsewhere. When we parted ways, I told The Cop we’d have to get a turtle mocha soon because he’d never even heard of one. He’d never even had a chocolate turtle.

I just can’t imagine a life without a chocolate turtle.

So, I finally texted him last week to say that we should get together for a turtle mocha. So we did. Today. Which was his next day off.

His next day off which was totally packed full of other shit to do, and he still found time to hang out with me for an hour at a coffee shop. Continue reading

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More on The Unexpected Italian

The sex had been so good, I was still thinking about it almost a week later.

This was not like me, at all, and if someone had told me this would happen, I wouldn’t have believed them. And yet, here I am, thinking about The Unexpected Italian, days later, perhaps with no end in sight.

Let me rewind for a second: The Unexpected Italian is not my usual type. He’s not a pompous, literature-loving douchebag, for starters. He’s also younger than me–we all know I’m not too much into that. He’s taller than me, but not by much. He’s smart but maybe that doesn’t always show because he’s also a frat boy at heart.

Now, he’s not the typical frat boy. Deep down, I’m fairly certain he’s a good guy. He cares about trust and friendship and getting to know someone, not just getting some from them (but, of course, he’s not the type to turn that down). I also really enjoyed his company: just hanging out and chatting with him, the time goes by so quickly.

But I’m not thinking about the chats, or what we watched on television, or anything like that.

I’m still thinking about the sex. Continue reading

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The Unexpected Italian

So, I decided to deactivate my Match.com profile because all of a sudden there’s this slew of guys that I already know who are apparently interested in me? How does that happen?

The most interesting right now is The Italian, a guy I met through some friends and have hung out with but never really thought much about until recently.

Oh sure, he’s super cute and I knew that all along but I didn’t really know him and I wasn’t really giving him the opportunity to get to know me. In fact, I was kind of a bitch to him whenever he was around.

If I’m being honest, I just figured he was some douchey frat guy who was mainly out looking for hook ups and being an ass. But that all changed recently.

We’ve spent a couple of nights hanging out, talking, and there’s definitely something about him that intrigues me. He’s actually really easy to talk to, and while it doesn’t seem like it on the surface, we do have a lot in common. It’s not really a likely match, but it’s definitely fun and worth pursuing more, I think.

We actually hung out last night and basically spent like eight hours talking. We had planned to watch some TV, and we had it on in the background, but I don’t think either one of us was paying much attention. And it’s nice to click with someone like that.

My goal for this is to not over think or over analyze and thus read too much into anything that happens. That’s actually a very challenging goal for me, as over analyzing every situation is sort of my MO, and it’s already begun here so it’s more a matter of stopping than trying not to do it to begin with. I’m pretty certain that’s a self-destructive behavior.

 

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Age is Just a Number. . .

So where did my no-younger-men hangups come from?

My whole life, I’ve dated people who were my age or older–mostly at least a year older than me, but sometimes more like four or five. It never really struck me as odd that I would date someone who was older than me.

But when I think about dating a younger guy, I think it’s possibly the weirdest thing. I just don’t (think I) have any interest in it.

However, my current romantic inclinations are indicating differently. I wrote not that long ago about how I didn’t want to date someone younger than me, and this is still mostly holds true. I don’t go out looking for someone who is only 23 or 24.

But sometimes they find me. Whether I have known them my whole life (like The Cop, my friend from high school) or I just met them through a mutual friend, there are a couple of guys I’m chatting up that are both fun and exciting and younger than me.

Eeeeek.

I was talking to my best friend about this, and she thinks I’m absolutely nuts. She doesn’t understand what the big deal is. And I guess I don’t either. I’m not sure why I feel this way; I just always have.

Maybe it has to do with my own parents: my dad is two years older than my mom, and in my mind, that’s the way relationships should be. Now. I’m smart enough to know that there is no ideal relationship, that people click for many different reasons, and that two strong relationships don’t have to look anything alike.

But I was talking to my mom about the friend-of-a-friend, and her response was “Well, he’s just a pup. You don’t want that.”

Huh.

This kid is only two years younger than me, and we actually have a lot in common. And he’s done some things that I’ve never done–like live abroad for a year–and I think that makes a big difference. We spent hours talking while we were out the other night, and the truth is that unless I’m actively thinking about it, I forget that he’s younger than I am.

Another one of my really good friends thinks it’s strange that I’m so hung up about his being younger than me. She’s met him, and said he was “unlikely on the surface” but seems like a good guy. That’s actually a perfect way to put it.

While my mom’s onto something in that I don’t want to date someone too much younger than me, there’s definitely more to it than just age. There’s a lot of other factors that makes someone datable, and I’m trying to remind myself that age is no longer the most important one (unlike when I was in high school). If there are likable things about these guys, should it really be a deal breaker if they are 23 or 24?

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Those Under 25 Need Not Apply

Sure, a lot of people say age is just a number. And after a certain point, I think that definitely holds true. But I’m not at a point in my life where I’m even remotely interested in dating someone younger than me.

And yet, I’ve gotten a couple of messages from ballsy 20-year-olds, messages that make me cringe or feel awful. It also makes me feel a little annoyed.

On the one hand, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating someone younger than you, regardless of your gender.

On the other hand, I personally am not at all interested in dating someone my students’ age. I teach at a university, and there is no way that I’m going to even think about a relationship with someone who could potentially be one of those students. It just weirds me out.

These two guys (I’m trying really hard to refrain from calling them kids, but that’s what they are to me!) have taken slightly different approaches.

Option A:

Men rule the world, but women rule men.

That’s what I’m looking for.”

 

Uh. . . okay? There are a lot of reasons I would say no to this kind of message. It’s (a) not a statement I agree with, and (b) not a statement that makes a lot of sense, and (c) I have no interest in being in a weird mothering relationship to my boyfriend (again). Maybe that last bit is reading too much into it, but that’s totally how it makes me feel. As my friend A pointed out, this guy “wants to be owned by a woman.” But that’s not what I’m looking for either. I’m fairly confident my response was “I want a partner, a teammate.” And not one who is five years younger than me.

Five years may not seem like a long time, but there’s a pretty substantial difference between a 25-year-old woman with a master’s degree and a 20-year-old college male. I might be interested in a particularly mature 23- or 24-year-old, but I’ve not really even met or seen a 25-year-old I’d be genuinely interested in hanging out with, married guy aside. So no.

I didn’t respond to this guy, and it appears that his profile has now been removed so I don’t have to.

Option B is a bit more sincere, which I’ve paraphrased here:

I know I’m younger than you’re looking for, we have a lot of the same interests, I’ve never heard of anyone in your music section, you write well. I’m getting a degree in English; how exciting to meet someone also working on a degree in that field.”

This guy seems sweet. But I’m not interested in dating someone younger, which the guy even acknowledges. It’s great that we have similar interests, and maybe I should remove that I’m looking for “friends” because maybe that would have prevented this (but really? does anyone else pay attention to what a user is actually interested in?). I feel almost obligated to respond, but I’m not sure how: “You should check out those artists; good luck with your degree!” But that almost feels like leading him on/allowing him to think I’m interested when I am most definitely not.

My other reaction to this message was really defensive: “I’m not working on a degree in English. I have two of them.” This is a silly reaction, but I can only take so much of people (men, particularly) assuming that I’m still a college undergraduate without wanting to unleash a wrath. I try to shake this off as a positive: I look young, and when I’m 40 or 50, I’ll be thankful to look younger than I am.

But that’s not always easy to do, and I find myself saying “I have a master’s degree” almost as a defense mechanism, as if that’s going to illustrate that I’m not as young as whoever I’m talking to thinks I am.

OkCupid sure offers a lot of inspiration for blogging, but I wish that I could prevent people who don’t meet my interests from messaging me. Maybe that will keep me from finding a wonderful match, but in reality it will probably just prevent people with a 58% match rating who are also over or under my age interests from sending me messages I don’t care to respond to and then feeling guilty about that.

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