Hello, Operator?

So, I’m starting to wonder if communication is not my strong suit. I don’t think this is actually true, but lately I feel like I’m genuinely having trouble getting through to the guys in my life.

My poor friends listen to me bitch so much, and multiple of them have been like “I just can’t keep track of these guys anymore.”

Yeah, welcome to my life, guys.

I’ve recently been chatting up with guy I met on OKCupid who also works at the same university I do. We’ve mostly texted but he seems very nice. He’s fun to talk to. He wanted to get together this weekend, but I already had a lot of other plans and needed to spend some time at my house. Given the last internet-spark date fiasco, I am totally fine with taking it a bit slower and not meeting up with people until I’ve talked to them for a while. He’s leaving to go out of town until school starts again at the end of August, so I guess that gives us plenty of opportunity to talk before deciding if meeting up is the way to go?

Anyways, in Am-I-Really-An-Awful-Communicator? News. . .

“Just Tell Him You Like Him!”

Haha, BFF. This is advice my best friend gave me today, after hearing me fawn over The Cop for most of last night and then again today via text. By 9:17 this morning, I was already being told to just tell him I like him because I was talking about him that much.

“Riiiiiight. Like that would ever happen.”

What is my problem? I am totally, 100% against exposing my feelings directly to someone whom I have known for years. Maybe it’s the fact that we haven’t talked in a few years. Maybe it’s because there’s been a sudden shift in my point of view and ideas about him. Maybe it’s because I’m left wondering, “why did I never see The Cop this way before? Or did I, and I just didn’t know it?”

So while I’m dealing with those thoughts, I’m also thinking about how The Cop is leaving town soon to be un-see-able but not totally un-reachable while also being so busy. For four months.

FOUR MONTHS.

We all know I’m going to be sitting at my desk, twirling my hair, thinking about his arms.

This fact of life is leaving me being a little irrational–like, really, if he’s off doing his cop things is he really going to be meeting and falling for some other girl? No. Probably not, unless she is also at the police academy and then maybe that would be a good fit for him? I don’t know.

But instead of just being like “listen, I think you are swell and I’d like to stay in touch while you’re gone and I hope that I don’t annoy you and then maybe we can hang out again when you’re back,” I’m having quiet, internal freak outs about whether or not he realized I like him or if he thinks I’m just weird?

7 Realities That Challenge What You Think You Know About Dating

Isn’t this the truth? So many things that I need to listen to and follow through with! ❤ ❤

The Consent He Did Not Get

A few years ago, I had a very regrettable night. I went out with a friend, ended up going home with a guy friend of hers, and having sex that I did not want to have.

I don’t think about it often, but every once in a while, it creeps its way back into my consciousness: I am a smart and responsible girl, so how did I get there?

I was reminded of this situation this afternoon while reading Sara Alcid’s post on Everyday Feminism, “Navigating Consent: Debunking the ‘Grey Area’ Myth.”

Specifically, Alcid’s discussion of how one partner may say no and then eventually be pressured into a “yes” really resonated with me, and this early December night, in particular.

I do not fuck around with arachnids

So, this happened today. It started as a totally normal convo that I was stressed out about because it only took his six hours to respond. But, you know, it’s not like I should expect him to answer me stat because, like, that is irrational for a number of reasons.

Anyway, I frequently text The Cop about spiders, but then My BFF and I saw there there is a FUCKING STANDOFF happening like two blocks from my house. It’s insane! I’m a little freaked out by it, but I’m also not going to be one of those people who stands on the street corner watching it go down.

Naturally, I texted The Cop demanding answers. When he didn’t respond, I was texting a friend of ours who also lives nearby to let him know that The Cop has left me to the wolves (and also to update him because I don’t think is around but he totally needs to know that his house is being protected by two cop cars.

Anyway, this is as close to saying something that indicates that I might care about him in any way, shape, or form. Telling him not to die is the best I can do. 😦

Fortunately, there have still not been any gun shots fired. I don’t think that’s going to stop me from lying awake tonight wondering if The Cop is OK until I know that this standoff is over.

Coffee and the Cop

When The Cop and I had lunch forever a go (okay, maybe a month?), our time ended with my whining about not getting to have a turtle mocha from my favorite coffee shop because my friends had suddenly decided we needed to meet elsewhere. When we parted ways, I told The Cop we’d have to get a turtle mocha soon because he’d never even heard of one. He’d never even had a chocolate turtle.

I just can’t imagine a life without a chocolate turtle.

So, I finally texted him last week to say that we should get together for a turtle mocha. So we did. Today. Which was his next day off.

His next day off which was totally packed full of other shit to do, and he still found time to hang out with me for an hour at a coffee shop.

WIP: Meet Adrina (and Zack!)

I’ve been writing a lot lately about my own life. Getting back into dating (even if only casually) gives me more inspiration for the romance novel I’m currently working on. It’s been a while since I’ve really done any work on it, and I think it’s time that I really sit down and think about the plot. I have several ideas about what I want to happen, but the place I was in when I started working on this is very different than I’m feeling now. And my personal experiences always influence what happens in what I’m writing.

Instead of making this WIP reality thinly-veiled as fiction, though, I’d like to think about my characters and what they would really want, need, and do. Sure, I agree that there’s a little bit of the author in every character that s/he writes, regardless of who that author is. So even my antagonists will have little pieces of me in them. However, I really want my plot to be driven by who these particular characters are, so in order to work out that plot, I really need to know who my characters are, what they want, and how they would react in given situations.

Today, I’m going to start with Adrina Ditzler, the heroine of my story (which is lovingly saved as “fucking story bro” until I have a more appropriate title).

Love Life Introspective: Relationship Material

Yesterday, I came across this post on Miss Guyded Dates about the top personality traits men are looking for in women. Writer NewYorkVAGal challenges some of these qualities and what the top qualities women would choose for men.

The qualities, which come from Ask Men’s 2013 Great Man Survey, are:

• Sense of Loyalty (36% overall, 40% in the US)
• Sense of Caring/Nurturing (26% overall, 25% in the US)
• Sense of Humor (20% overall, 16% in the US)
• Intelligence (18% overall, 19% in the US)

Now, it’s important to note that these are the only four choices the survey gave men. So some men might actually have another quality that is more important than these. Notice how none of them have to do with looks, which culture seems to reinforce as one of the most important things we look for in a mate (whether that’s true or not, I’ll not venture to guess).

I’m trying to make myself think about this topic more. What exactly am I looking for? What do I want in a potential partner?

At one point I liked you, but I’m more interested in these cookies now.
Image by Scott McLead, via Flickr.

In the past, I’ve tended to not know what I’m looking for or what I like about a particular person. “There’s just something about them,” I would emphasize, as if the X Factor was somehow the most important consideration when looking for a mate. But that is ultimately not helpful when it comes to evaluating the relationship because I typically end up losing sight of what I found attractive about him in the first place.

What is “Dating” in the 21st-Century?

Single ladies and gents: When was the last time you went on a date?

How did you know that was actually a date?

Dating has been on my mind a lot lately, both as a writer and a person who is trying to date. What does it look like for two people to actually date in 21st century America?

While I Was Out

All’s been quiet on the blog front for me. I took ten-day family vacation to the Rocky Mountains, and I’m feeling very refreshed (if a bit stressed) now that I’m back. The mountains were beautiful and there was so much delicious wine.

But a week without any real responsibilities means that my mind has been on overdrive, thinking mostly about my romantic and sexual health.